Following are five insights into dating based on research which may help you navigate the waters more easily and help you to pay more attention to important dynamics.(While this post has been written with dating in mind, these tips in general are useful can be helpful any time you meet someone new.) 1. We’re all attracted to people with a good sense of humor.
On the one hand, the prospect of a first date fills the heart and head with a sense of possibility.On the other hand, it carries a wallop of dread, usually based on experience.The process of getting to know someone can be complicated.If you’ve been on a string of dates with someone who once seemed promising but became less so, or if you’ve just discovered that the person you’ve been seeing for the past six months isn’t who you thought he or she was, maybe it’s time to take a look at the advice science has to offer.If you’re beginning to feel as though you’re at a comedy club, watch out. Being on a first or second date with someone who’s uncommunicative is no fun, but science knows that too much self-revelation in the initial stages of dating can actually be a red flag.
And keep in mind that a secure person—someone with stable self-regard, who prizes close connection and intimacy—doesn’t need to be a continuous laugh riot, but someone who needs to convince you of his or her desire for connection does. Insecure and anxious people are much more likely to share a great deal of information on a first encounter and do a lot of talking, without making you feel that they are hogging the stage.
How they behave may look like openness and honesty at first blush but it really isn’t; they are needy and preoccupied with themselves, and their sharing has to do with , not you.
Similarly, anxious individuals may seem more interesting than the other people you’ve met recently—their stories may be more captivating and dramatic than those of stable and secure types—and that may also have you thinking that they are more attractive.
Alas, it won’t be long until the bloom is off the rose; as the researchers write, “It is only later, as relationships are established, that anxiety often becomes a nuisance for partners.” 3. You don’t need research to figure out that someone who talks about himself or herself non-stop for 45 minutes without asking you a single question, or whose every anecdote can be summarized, “Look at me, I'm wonderful!
” probably isn’t a good candidate for the long haul.
But how can you judge other dates by their stories?