This should be like talking about how your father died, or how you had anorexia in high school, or how you didn’t lose your virginity until you were 25.
After going through the normal flip out and that my dating life would now consist of Ben and Jerry’s and DVD’s every Saturday night, I’m ready to get out there again.
I have seen men post on various dating sites where they come right out on their profile stating they have herpes.
And before I found out about my little gem, I would immediately think, "not in my backyard". I thought that if I meet someone, and there seems to be some sort of vibe, I would have the talk pretty quickly, possibly even the first date.
And I wouldn’t be dramatic, just simply say, you need to know something, I have herpes.
I control it with medication, but no matter how you slice it, it is what it is.
If ok, want to jump on my soapbox for a second, if anyone reading this has herpes, do the right thing, let people know. As far as genital herpes goes, we’re talking 20% of the population.
One of the most difficult things I had to do was call former boyfriends I may have exposed (think it was dormant in my system for quite sometime, I honestly did not know). I think all the readers should take a second to put themselves in your shoes for a moment. That’s 50 MILLION people, a majority of whom don’t even know they’re infected.
None of these guys started screaming at me, they THANKED me and said they would get tested – none of them had it -YAY!!!! And while I’m not an expert in herpes, per se, I do know a number of people who have it, and continue to lead rich, happy, limitless dating lives. Because one second you’re saying “No way” to a guy with herpes, and the next, you’re praying that a guy doesn’t judge you for this one minor thing. According to Herpes.com, 50-80 percent of the American adult population has oral herpes. The scariest part of this whole thing is the staggering ignorance about herpes – a disease that undoubtedly affects someone that you know. Well, let’s just say that I have close friends, clients, and ex-girlfriends who have genital herpes, and none of them are traumatized, hospitalized or ostracized because of it. Just know that if you have the disease, you may be entirely asymptomatic, which would mean that you could potentially transmit it without knowing.
And if you do have symptoms, they are easily controlled with the use of drugs.
The question is how do you explain this to someone else who is freaked out by this kind of stuff? I think the best answer is to treat your condition matter-of-factly.
The bigger deal you make out of it, the bigger deal it becomes.