We know there are gender differences and gender stereotypes. Don’t you realize this is the prelude to every mother-in-law joke there is? The list above plays off a repeating joke: “I will make you go away.” Well, with a mother like you, that might be a relief.If a young woman can’t even date your son without being threatened, what is life going to be like when she marries him? A while back, Aaron Gouveia made some observations on The Good Men Project about “The Rules” that every father supposedly follows when a boy is dating his daughter.
It was a humorous take on the “Rules for Dating My Daughter.” See April’s original post here.
There are lots of suggestions you can find on the internet, including some really funny ones like an application to date your daughter.
But for most of us, this is serious business and we just need a few simple guidelines to go by.
My friend, Dennis Rainey, has written a good book, Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date, which covers this topic in depth.
But to give you some quick insights, let me share with you a few key steps from my experience.
Have your daughter prepared to tell any guy that asks her out to call you first before answering him.
This helps her know that you are expecting to be her first line of defense and gives her guidance on how to respond to a guy’s invitation. So you might invite the young man, and even his dad, to your home.
This also allows you to be the heavy when she wants to say “no” but is struggling to do so. I wrote how I did this for my first interview with my eldest daughter’s date in my original blog on interviewing your daughter’s date. Ask about his family, his work and studies, his life plans, what he enjoys doing, and even his driving record…the kinds of things that will give you clues about his values and character.
Don’t be shy…even if it seems a bit uncomfortable for him and for you.
Your job is to help your daughter, not just make him feel good about himself.
Share with him your thoughts and expectations for him if you agree to let him take her out.